


The battle of mustaFUNK

by The_Fabulous_Feather



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Crack, Disco AU, It's like the battle where it's implied, Maybe angst, The relationships are barely there, i blame Karlee for this, its pretty classy tbh, pls read this, so its chill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-08-09 22:04:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7818982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Fabulous_Feather/pseuds/The_Fabulous_Feather
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically the battle on Musfastar but with disco instead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The battle of mustaFUNK

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cookingwithcyanide](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cookingwithcyanide/gifts).



> This is trash, I'm trash, I hope you can get some enjoyment out of reading this. 
> 
> I unfortunately don't own obi-wan or Anakin or Padme, and this didn't actually happen probably.
> 
> George Lucas lowkey sucks. like John Travolta but less.
> 
> Xoxo

It was a dark and hot day on Musfastar, almost no calm in the air, due to both the planet boiling over with lava and rage, and Anakin himself. All his repressed emotions, and his late blooming teenage angst bubbling over, all because the Jedi order had taught everyone wrong. They were corrupt, and they knew it. How could people who showed Saturday Night Fever to younglings, to try and teach them the disco, not be? John Revolting is just not that good of a dancer, and the Sith knew that it was the truth, no matter how good Olivia Newton John had made him look in grease.

Anakin was looking out over the frothing pits of lava, waiting for what he knew was coming. Padmé. His sweet Padmé. Coming to stand with him as his disco queen, at the heart of their new pure empire. Once they ruled together, they'd be strong enough to take down Palpatine, who was the greatest disco dancer in the universe, and was known as the Disco God. Those in the senate had been to blinded by his age to realize that the old man could kill, literally kill, on the dance floor. He wasn't just some John Travolta knockoff, like the order and its supporters, he was the real deal. One day, Anakin would reach the same heights as the old fart, and have universal glory.

For now though, he was content with having Padmé by his side as they rule. He didn't have to brood much longer, as he heard Padmé's ship touch down a short distance behind him. He was so distracted by Padmé's arrival, that he didn't quite notice the other person who was hiding in the door of the ship.

They ran to each other and embraced, though Padmé pulled away slightly to look up at Anikin.

"I was so worried about you! Obi-Wan told me terrible things!" She said frantically, searching Anakin's face for a sign that what she had heard was wrong.

"What things" Anakin asked tensely, his eyes narrowing at the reminder of his old master.

"That you've... Turned to the dark side... that you killed younglings..."

"Obi-Wan is trying to turn you against me."

"No, he cares about us-"

"Us?"

"He knows. He wants to help you!" Anakin looked at her, and what appeared to be a small smile crossed his face, though below, it was much more. "All I want is your love." Padmé finished softly, looking up at anakin pleadingly.

"Love won't save you Padmé, only my new powers can do that!"

"At what cost? You're a good person, don't do this!"

"I won't lose you the way I lost my mother. I am becoming more powerful than any Jedi has ever dreamed of being. And I'm doing it for you. To protect you."

(it is at this moment when Padmé realizes that Anakin is truly and utterly fucked... and not in a good way, but tries one last time, putting her hands in his hair)

"Come away with me, help me raise our child! Leave everything else behind, while we still can!"

"Don't you see? We don't have to run away anymore. I can teach you how to properly disco. I have brought peace to the republic, I can be stronger than the chancellor! Together we can rule side by side as King and queen of Disco!" He said, getting more pumped about the idea with each word, a sort of grin growing on his face.

Padmé backed up slightly, an almost hurt look on her face. "I can't believe what I'm hearing. Obi-Wan was right, you have changed." She said, heartbroken, almost whispering the last word, as Anakin nodded ruefully.

"I don't want to hear any more about Obi-Wan. The Jedi turned against me, now don't you turn against me!"

Padmé was close to tears, "I don't know you anymore. Anakin, you're breaking my heart. You're going down a path I can't follow."

"Because of Obi-Wan?"

"Because of what you've done! What you plan to do! Stop! Stop now come back! I love you!" Anakin was no longer listening, as he had spotted obi-wan standing in the doorway of the ship.

"LIAR!" He yelled, causing Padmé to turn and see obi-wan as well, shouting that she hadn't known that he was there to anakin, as she had saw what he was thinking. "You're with him! You brought him here to kill me! You wanted to learn disco with him! He was teaching you wasn't he!" He yelled, while starting to force choke Padmé, who was frantically denying it.

"Let her go Anakin!" Obi-Wan yelled, slowly walking closer, and for once in his life, Anakin listened. As he released Padmé, she fell to the ground, completely limp. Anakin didnt even spare her a glance as he was too busy glaring at Obi-Wan.

"What have you two been up to together? You were teaching her to disco with John Travolta videos weren't you!" Anakin accused, "You've turned her against me!"

"You have done that yourself!" Obi-Wan replied, which caused Anakin to throw off his robe, only revealing a classy pair of bell bottoms and a silk shirt. "Your anger and lust for power have done that for you!" Obi-Wan dramatically shruged off his robe as well, revealing a smashing disco outfit, and copious amounts of chest hair revealed by his rhinestone encrusted polyester v-neck.

"You came here expecting to have a dance battle! You didn't want to try and help me at all! I was right!"

"Anakin no! I was simply prep-" Obi-Wan started, but was cut off by the members of the band The Tramps poking their heads out of the ship doorway. Anakin looked at them and then glared accusingly at Obi-Wan.

"Liar!" He yelled while motioning for the band to start playing without looking away from Obi-Wan.

They started to have an amazing fucking dance battle, that lasted for at least a half an hour. They both barely broke a sweat, even with the hot air, because they're used to getting hot and steamy with each other.

"Give it up Anakin. I have the upper hand." Obi-Wan called down to Anakin, as he stood above the taller man on a rock platform.

"Ne me soucie pas. Lèche mon cul." Anakin replied in a language that Obi-Wan only barely recognized. In the next moment, Anakin, being the little shit he is, tried to do a move that he'd only seen once in the movie Bring it On, and was definitely not a disco move. As he attempted to flip over Obi-Wan, the shorter man reached up and threw him back to the ground, with little effort as Anakin didn't manage to jump very high.

Anakin ended up landing with his legs being engulfed by the lava. "Master!" He shouted out in pain, as the lava creeped up to touch his non-robotic hand as well.

Obi-wan slowly turned away from the mess that was Anakin Skywalker, or at least what used to be him. "You were my brother Anakin! I loved you!" He cried out, "You were to bring peace to the disco world, not destroy it!"

Before he turned to leave the scene, and musfastar in general, he heard anakin say "I hate you." Which broke his heart almost as much as leaving him there to die.

Unbeknownst (is that a fucking word?? I don't even care) to Obi-Wan though, once he was back on his ship leaving the planet with Padmé, Anakin mustered the strength to slowly crawl out of the lava, whispering "stayin alive" as he did so.

 

 

 

To this day, no one is sure what happened on that planet between those two, but many say that Anakin Skywalker changed due to that battle, so much that he even changed his name to Vader, and vowed to one day strike Obi-Wan Kenobi down just as the other man did to him.

Of course though, those are just rumors. Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalkier both died on that fateful day. Anakin at the hands of his former master, and Obi-Wan of a broken heart.

Vader is simply a near-human at emperor sidious' disposal. No more man than your average protocol droid.

The remains of Obi-Wan can be found on Tatooine, under the guise of 'Old man Ben Kenobi.' The few that know him would argue that he's not completely human either. A husk of a man who's lost everything that he's ever loved. And they certainly wouldn't be wrong.

**Author's Note:**

> I only looked over this once at like 1am so there's probably a lot of mistakes.
> 
> Also translation: 
> 
> Ne me soucie pas. Lèche mon cul. - I don't care. Lick my ass.


End file.
